The hungry ghost festival ended a couple of weeks ago. During this period of time, many local Chinese believers would prepare ritualistic food offerings and burn incense and joss papers for the visiting spirits.
This particular incident that I witnessed involved two neighbours of mine. Neighbour 1 (N1) is a Chinese family while Neighbour 2 (N2) is a Muslim family. N1 was performing his offerings and burning paper incense for his ancestors one of the afternoon during the lunar 7th month. Due to strong wind, the burning ashes started flying all around. Some eventually landed in N2's house which is on the second floor, creating a dusty mess. N2 was very disturbed as his son has asthma and he believes that the ashes would trigger off an asthmatic reaction. Shouting from his window, he confronted N1, insisting that they should not burn so much incense as the ashes will start flying all over. He demanded them to stop immediately, otherwise he would complain to the town council. He even made an insensitive comment stating he don't see why N1 needed to burn those incense!
N1 apparently wasn't very happy with the way N2 confronted him. He argued that B was exaggerating the whole situation and refused to budge. The whole conversation got so tense that everything could be heard from my 4th floor unit. All these while, I was observing from my window. Eventually the whole incident came under control when some other neighbour came down to act as mediator. No compromise was made eventually. Ever since then, the two neighbours' relationship remained sour.
Personally, I feel that since we are living in a multi cultural society, we should all be tolerant, patient and be more accommodating towards different cultural practises. In this situation, I believe that both parties are at fault. On one hand, N1 should have graciously admitted that his actions did affect his neighbours. In addition, he should also have assured N2 that he will be done quickly and apologise for any inconvenience caused. On the other hand, N2 could have been more tolerant of the Chinese cultural norm of burning incense. He should have approached N1 with a more polite tone and negotiated assertively with patience. Both parties should have also develop more cultural self awareness. If all these were done, I believe that they could have reached a win-win situation. The situation could have been avoided if both families could be more sensitive to each other's race and cultural beliefs.
From the conflict, we can actually see that effective communication is vital in intercultural situations. The key to solving this unpleasant conflict is perhaps to be empathetic. Only by putting yourself in other people's shoes, will you be able to understand the other party's expectations and be more sensitive to others' traditions, cultures and feelings.
From the conflict, we can actually see that effective communication is vital in intercultural situations. The key to solving this unpleasant conflict is perhaps to be empathetic. Only by putting yourself in other people's shoes, will you be able to understand the other party's expectations and be more sensitive to others' traditions, cultures and feelings.
5 comments:
Hi Edwin, this is an interesting scenario that you witnessed! My personal thought is that it is understandable why your Muslim neighbour was unhappy about the flying ashes from the incense. Firstly, it might affect his son's health and secondly, he might not understand the significance of the practice to the Chinese neighbour.
Like what you mentioned, N1 ought to have apologised sincerely to N2 for the flying ashes. As for N2, he should have explained his concerns politely to N1.
In a multi-cultural country, it is essential that we make an effort to understand common customs practised by the other racial groups. Through a deeper understanding, we can achieve greater tolerance and empathy. This way, conflicts due to culture differences can be avoided.
Hey Edwin, I myself have been irritated by the stench of smoke and the floating ash during the 7th month as my house is just on the third storey so we receive more concentrated fumes. Hence, it would be a greater concern for this Muslim man as his son has asthma.
The cultural difference and the lack of understanding for the cultural practices of the Chinese is evident here. However, it is the accompanying poor communication skills of both parties which ultimately led to the conflict. The expression of aggression or the flinging of threats only led to a negative reaction from the Chinese man. Hence, the outcome of the exchange was quite expected.
Therefore, I agree that we have to be culturally aware in the multi-cultural Singapore and we need to be patient with other cultures even if we do not fully understand them. I had chosen to close my windows and tolerate the smoky air within my flat. Whatever does not kill you only makes you stronger.. Haha.
PS: I deleted the prev comment because of a typo. Always check your spelling.. Haha
Hi Edwin, this is a very common problem!
When my neighbours do burn offerings, I'll close the windows so as to ensure that the ashes do not get into my house. I wouldn't exactly say I'm irritated, because being a Chinese, I truly understand their reasons for doing so despite being a Catholic. I believe that different religions have different practices and ways of worshipping. Perhaps N2 is not to be blamed for being unhappy about the flying ashes, since different people have different levels of tolerance, and more ever, it concerned his son's health. But like what Jiahwa nentioned, he should have raised his concerns in a more polite manner instead of kicking up a big fuss and being overly-insensitive towards his neighbour's practice of buring incense papers. N1 propably was not aware that the ashes were flying into his neighbours house, and perhaps if confronted nicely he would have been apologetic. Hence, communication is really important here. I feel that the tone used is really crucial, as it determines the outcome of the confrontation!
Hey Edwin! Firstly, I would like to say that I have a rather sensitive nose and whenever I start smelling smoke (ie. from burning incense, cigarette smoke or car exhaust smoke), I will start to sneeze uncontrollably. During the lunar seventh month, the smell of burning incense does indeed affect my breathing somehow but being a Chinese who believes in the Hungry Ghost Festival, I try to bear with it as much as I can. Therefore, it is understandable how your Muslim neighbour felt at that point in time.
However, I feel that being Singaporean, we should try to understand and accept the various cultures and practices of the various races and religion since Singapore is essentially a multiracial country. We do not have to agree with everything that other races or religious groups practice but we still have to respect that they have the freedom to do things their way.
Your Muslim neighbour could have been a little more tactful when handling the situation. Both of them could have discussed about what could be done so that it would eventually be a win-win situation. An example would be to inform the town council about their concerns and maybe set up the 'incense burning point' further away from the flats or to install equipments to reduce the amount ashes released into the air.
Finally, as what you have mentioned, being empathetic will definitely help. Being able to see things from another point of view will prevent misunderstandings from occurring.
Hi Edwin, your account is so dramatic. sounds like a scene from some Channel 8 drama. haha.
It was obvious that the muslim family was intolerant of the chinese family culture. On top of that, the Chinese family was not tactful enough while handling the situation. Living in a multicutural society, I believe it is important that each culture group learns to practice their culture rites without interfering or causing unnecessary inconvenience to the other culture.
Even as a Chinese myself, I sometimes would be quite irritated by the loud 'music' created by cymbals and suona at chinese wakes which are held at voidecks. However, to appease my irritation, I would try to put myself in the their shoes and empathise with them.
Therefore, it always boils down to cultural awareness and I thought tolerance is a very important factor too!
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