Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

This conflict that I am relating involves a fellow team mate and myself. Being the captain of the varsity climbing team which is quite an individual sport, handling conflicting interests within my team is often inevitable. However, this particular incident disturbed me quite a bit even till now.

Climber XXX was a very performance and goal orientated individual. He believed that the scheduled team training was insufficient for him to excel. He drafted up his own training programme (which was okay as long as he joins everyone for training) and attended scheduled training as and when he wanted. Personally, I felt that his individualistic attitude was not very appropriate as a varsity player and I saw a need to talk to him regarding this issue. And so, there was this night where I managed to catch him online via MSN (which I regretted doing so). My intention was to have a casual chat to understand his stand, to state my opinion and perhaps seek a compromise. However, the conversation turned ugly, with both of us rebuting each other. Phrases such as " Whatever, I don't really care" and "why are you so selfish?" were typed out in CAPS. Eventually, he quit the conversation, saying he was busy. There wasn't much room for negotiation in the conversation and we didn't manage to come to a compromise. He left for SEP the following semester and we never got to resolve our conflict.

The good thing is boys being boys, both of us forgave and forgot about the incident when he returned from SEP. Hence there is no hard feelings between us now.

I believe that the main problem lies within the serious difference in opinions with regards to being part of a team, which led to a lose-lose situation. During the conversation, I must admit that I got rather frustrated and impatient with my team mate's comments. Perhaps my responses to him were too emotionally driven and not judgemental enough. Putting myself in his shoes, I believe he could be feeling the same way as well, irritated by me finding faults at him. Yet , perhaps at the same time he couldn't really be bothered with what I was trying to put across to him.

I am not really certain what truly led to that dead lock situation.

Could it have been..

• the wrong choice of communication channel?


• the wrong timing of the conversation? (it could have a been a tiring day for either one of us?)


• both of us were too headstrong? Refusing to give in as it might be a man's "EGO" issue.


• both of us were too emotionally driven by our own beliefs and not behaving rationally?


• Or was it the tone that we confronted each other with?

Could addressing the above issues, allow us to resolve the conflict amicably?

On a lighter note, the rest of my team continued to train hard and we eventually emerged champion in a National bouldering championship during that semester!

Here's a photo of my team! Can you spot Matthew and me?

Let's communicate

Why is communication important? To me, perhaps one of the most obvious reasons is that we communicate everyday. Communication is all around us - in the form of SMS, Internet chatting, project presentation, electronic mails and even gossips we share during lunchtime. Communication, no doubt is a big part of our lives. Therefore developing effective communication skills is vital in putting our feelings and thoughts across to others which could prevent unnecessary misunderstandings.

Communication is more than just being heard. We cannot be the speaker all the time, hence it is essential for us to also learn to take on the role of a listener. Developing effective communication skills involves active listening- a crucial skill in many occasions i have encountered such as

• listening to a lecture to obtain information
• listening to a project presentation in order to evaluate one's argument
• lending a listening ear to friends in trouble and offering our advice.

Effective communication involves interpreting nonverbal communication cues which is also a reason why we should empower ourselves with these skills. These nonverbal communication cues may seem insignificant but they do send out powerful messages. A moment of an awkward silence during a conversation may indicate that the other party is feeling uncomfortable. Also, seating postures of the audience could serve to indicate how interested they are in the presentation. These are all personal real life encounters which underline the importance of effective communication.

Maintaining a vast social network through communication opens up job opportunities through friends'/lecturers' recommendations and also forms a support group upon which I can rely on whenever help is needed. Things get done faster too, through friends' connections within workplaces.

Personally, i feel that these skills are not only applicable in working environment, but useful for fostering strong family bonds. Generation gaps can be bridged and conversations could be more open if we use the right communication techniques to address family issues.

Effective communication is a life long skill. Graduating in two years time, i really hope to find my dream job. Drafting an excellent resume and job application letter will definitely increase the chances of me attaining this goal. This is when effective written communication comes in. Furthermore, job interviews will never be as stressful as it used to be with the right communication skills!

Everyone can communicate, but not everyone is an effective communicator. Realising that effective communication skills are important in our lives brings us one step closer to being one.

Finally, here's an interesting screen shot of National Day Rally 2007! ENJOY!


Tired or bored?You decide. For the full article, visit this forum- http://forums.vr-zone.com/showthread.php?t=178693 =)